Stength, Identity, Peanut M&M's
This last week has been pretty hard on me. The world seems to be moving at 100 miles per hour while I am slugging along at 10ish. I feel out of wack and out of sync with my friends and the world around me. Maybe it is like culture shock... but shock unlike I have ever experienced before.Out of this series of minor panics I believe what I need, what I am looking for, is healing from Father. Healing is one of those things promised by Jesus, seen in scripture, but not seen to much (or at least sought out) in our day. I believe that God is able to heal broken places in me and restore me not to how I was last week, maybe not even to a sense of equalibrium, but to who I was created to be. Yet the lies come from all around. Moreover, lies or no lies, if I have never really experienced this healing I speak of how do I know what I have to do and what God will do? What is my part and what is His? How do I move toward the Trinity confident of healing and not attempt to take control of my life 5 million times along the way? If feel like when we get into places with God that we don't understand we revert to do's and don'ts. Maybe we don't even like them and maybe we don't speak about actions and non-actions intentionally but we do boil things down a lot.
I feel boiled down this week. I feel that what someone sees in me is boiled to down to fixable and deal-with-able. I don't really want to be fix, but more than that I want someone who would speak into my life to keep speaking. I also feel like I have had a bomb dropped on me. I feel that on the ocasion I drop bombs on people the pull away from me or they need some space. I need some space but it seems like people have been so far away since my bomb hit me that there has been little chance for recovery...
This post, as you might have guessed, is not thought out or practiced or really intended to any specific purpose but honesty. I hope we can all continue to share our hearts- even through creative means like writing. I want to feel the weight of your lives because I feel it helps me live better.
peace,
Simon
posted by Simon Yost @ 8:04 PM
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